Grief, Love and Remembering

Grief is something most of us will experience, but no two people will experience it in quite the same way.

Through my work as a funeral celebrant, I meet people at some of the most tender times in their lives. I sit with families, listen to their stories and learn about the person they have loved and lost.

There can be tears, and often laughter too. Funny stories are shared, character traits remembered, and ordinary moments suddenly become very precious. 

Recently I became a Certified Grief Coach, completing further training with grief expert David Kessler. It felt like a natural extension of the work I already do and has deepened my understanding of grief and how we can support people living with loss.

Grief has no timetable

There is no right way to grieve, and grief doesn't follow a neat path.

It can be messy and catch us unexpectedly - maybe a birthday or anniversary, a song, a photograph, a familiar place, or simply wanting to pick up the phone and share something with the person who is no longer there.

That can happen weeks, months or years later. Grief doesn't need to be rushed or made to disappear. Sometimes we just need to acknowledge it's there.

Grief and love

We grieve because someone mattered to us.

Although they're not  physically present, our relationship with them doesn't vanish. We carry them with us through memories, stories, traditions and all the small things that remind us of who they were.

In time, a memory that once brought tears may also bring a smile. That isn't forgetting. It's finding a different way to remember.

Why ceremony matters

A funeral, celebration of life or other ritual can't take away grief, but it gives us a place to stop, gather, acknowledge what has happened and remember.

The most meaningful ceremonies aren't necessarily grand. They are genuine. They tell the stories, capture the quirks and personality, and reflect the relationships and ordinary moments that made someone who they were.

Sometimes listening is enough

When someone we care about is grieving, it's natural to want to make things better. But we're not there to fix it. 

What we can do is listen, sit alongside them, use the person's name and hear their stories, even if we've heard them before.

Often, being there is enough.

Becoming a Certified Grief Coach has added another layer to work that already means a great deal to me. It has reinforced something I have long believed: grief and love are deeply connected, and the people we love continue to be part of our lives through the stories and memories we carry with us.

It remains a privilege to be trusted with those stories.

Lianne Fraser
Registered Independent Celebrant | Certified Grief Coach
Taupō